A rant about weddings

It's time to rant about something that's been pissing me off for quite a while. I read this article in the SMH, about how feminism has taken a step back when it comes to modern weddings. As someone who's getting married in the next eight or nine months (no specific date yet), it's a topic that's quite relevant and one that's been on my mind for some time.

The article is written by a woman whose daughter is getting married and wants everything perfectly traditional, from the virginal white dress to being given away by the father. The author herself can't understand it- if women have spent decades fighting for equality, why throw it all away on this day?

While I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a step backwards in feminism, I will say I consider most of it unnecessary packaging. And it's all very clever marketing by the bridal industry.

Tossing out phrases like 'your dream wedding come true' and 'a perfect wedding for a perfect bride', they lure you into thinking that a $300 dress will make you look like a hag while a $3000 dress will make you into a princess. And oh no, what if you don't hire a photographer that charges through the nose to capture that perfect photo of the perfect couple at that perfect moment so you have proof that it ever happened? And why do you even want to look like a princess anyway?

If you tell a restaurant/caterer that you're planning a wedding reception, expect to pay extra per guest for mentioning the 'W' word. Apparently anything that comes with that word attached has the right to have the price jacked up.

Even churches are cashing in on this desire to have a traditional wedding. After making enquiries, I was shocked to discover you pay upwards of a thousand bucks for the privilege of getting married 'in God's house' with an organ, minister and bell ringer at your service (double the price on Sundays, but that's understandable). Yes, I understand the church has to pay liability insurance, you need to pay people for their time, you need to help pay for the upkeep of the church etc. etc. but a thousand dollars? And that's just the cheapest.

But of course, there's no money to be made in telling people not to buy the most expensive dress available. Or that they don't need a 2-hour photo shoot plus photos of all the preparations, the reception, a video, an album...

I'm not going to comment on what happens in the ceremony because I genuinely believe that's personal choice. If you want to be given away by your father, that's great. If you want to have eight bridesmaids and eight groomsmen, good luck finding dresses and suits everyone's happy with.

Here's my view of weddings: If you're a religious person, regardless of religion, your wedding is a formal/legally recognised declaration and celebration of your union and commitment before your God, family and friends. You're also stating to everyone that your God is a vital part of your life and will continue to be a vital part of your marriage. If you're not a religious person, omit the parts about God.

It is not imperative to get married in a church, to have flower girls and photographers, to have a white cake covered in sugary flowers, to go hysterical because you couldn't get the perfect shade of ribbon to match your groom's tie. And it's not imperative to spend $50,000 on your 'dream day'.

Far be it for me to say I don't like weddings. They're aesthetically pleasing and I appreciate the effort and planning that go into them. They're also usually quite fun- you get to hang out with people and eat. But a wedding is only one day, a celebration of something that will hopefully last (pleasantly) the rest of your life.

I was looking up reception venues, potential churches and wedding dresses online and getting really depressed. Why was everything so... maudlin? I have never dreamed about my wedding day, with clear blue skies, me in a flowing white dress and a floating veil, couldn't tell you where/when/how I would like to get married. The more I browsed, the more I knew what I didn't want. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married in a church with a beautiful dress and lovely blooming flowers, but it's just not me. And some people love organising things and are good at it, and can whip up their wedding with not too much fuss, just the way they've always dreamed of.

Just don't expect me to buy into the consumerism of my 'big day'. No bridesmaids, photographers or expensive dress for me thanks. And please stop telling me that my 'big day' isn't a big day if I don't spend x amount.